Dagobah

My birthday is tomorrow and I’ve been thinking about a lot of things lately and wanted to get them all out of my mind. I know no one reads this so I felt this was a great place to start:
I’m an awkward person.
I’m almost 20 and I don’t drink, have never done any type of drugs, or even smoked. This alone makes me an outcast among people my age. You’d think I’d fit in somewhere, but the simple truth is I don’t.

I have never attended a church service that wasn’t affiliated with a grandparents’ funeral, I know next to nothing about any religion and I decided I didn’t believe in God when I was about seven.
I spent the majority of my childhood playing wrestling and ninja turtles with my brother and watching Star Wars.
I have a hard time making friends, not because I’m afraid of people or anything, its just that I’m rather quiet and if I don’t feel like what I have to say NEEDS to be said, I keep it to myself. Plus, if it was really worth saying I wouldn’t want you to hear it anyways. I also don't like explaining myself to new people and I feel like I have to do that a lot when I meet someone new.
I say “please” and “thank you” always.
I hardly ever argue.
I love my mother more than I can even begin to explain.
My hair is usually very messy and looks silly, but I like the way my hair looks when its messy and not brushed, it makes be feel like a child.
My face for some reason rejects makeup so I rarely wear any. I’m not sure why my face hates makeup so much but I don’t really care. When I do wear makeup I don’t wear a lot because I’m afraid I’ll overdo it and either look like a dirty crack whore or a scenester.
I wear cardigans all year long, even summer because I don’t like the way hot air feels on my skin, so I cover up as much as possible.
I have issues with meat, not peta issues but texture issues.
I never want to be the reason for anyones tears.
I believe in myself and in others. I believe that you get what you give in life. I try hard to find a positive in every situation, although that’s very hard for me. I have a hard time believing that people do bad things knowingly. I’m sure it happens all the time but I somehow have this unbreakable faith in people that has lasted even through the shittiest of times. I guess I am still a child in that way. I hope that never changes.

I may not be very cute, smart or even funny, but having been let down so many times in my life by people I really care about, I think I’m turning out to be a pretty okay person and I’m done apologizing for being myself, even if I am a little socially retarded and awkward. I like me.

.terrible.

If life's not beautiful without the pain, well I'd just rather never ever even see beauty again.

Obsessions/inspiration

* my extensive collection of nickels
*gold wallets
*these colors:
*Heather Ross Fabric
*The Watson Twins
*
*Flower Topped Pens
*Temporary tattoos
*To Do lists
*Writing on graph paper:

*Young At Heart
*Pearls
*Dangly Earrings
*Some Things Last a Long Time
*Post-it Notes
*Martha Stewart Craft products
*Owls
*Wind
*Curly Hair

Result:

Night terrors

Baby Jesus is having a nightmare tonight. He's howling in his sleep, which would be cute if I wasn't so dang tired.

I had the following conversation with a first grader today:

Boy: School, Schoooool, Shcool…Ms. Serena
ME: yeah?
Boy: Who made up the word school?
ME: I have no idea.
Boy Oh, I bet it was the first person.
ME: I don’t think the very VERY first person invented English.
Boy: Who made the first person? Family is never ending, but who started it?
ME: Well, I have no idea. What do you think?
Boy: I don’t know. Maybe he was just made…by some people or the President.
ME: The President? When do think this happened?
Boy: Like the 70’s.
ME; oh well…
Boy(interrupting me, thankfully):How did George Washington die?
ME: ummmm I think he got sick from a disease, but I’m not too sure.
Boy: No, that’s not how he died. It was because of a kite.
ME: A kite killed George Washington?
Boy: Yup, he was being silly and put a key on a kite and was playing with it in a storm. And that killed him.
ME: Oh gee, I think you confused a few stories…
Boy: Nope. That’s right. Can you help me with my math homework?
So I went on to help him with his math and the conversation ended.

All this bloods gonna wash away

I know its History and all but sometimes I just don't buy it.

Burndt Jamb

Can I have a Death in the Gulf Stream?

YOU WANT ME TO SHOOT YOU IN THE CROTCH?!